I have found myself having a really hard time knowing how to handle this current state we’re in. For the past few weeks, I’ve been at home working to get ready for a baby, knowing that I need to be enjoying my last carefree days of summer as my days without much responsibility are limited. But, I’ve had a hard time being fully able to let loose and enjoy them because my mind doesn’t seem to turn off from thinking about all that is on the horizon. I find myself , amid lots of excitement about the arrival of Baby H, nervous about my capability to be a good mother, nervous about how our lives are going to change and just nervous about all of the unknown.
I’m most definitely ready to not be pregnant anymore. Some of the things I’m looking forward to in regards to not being pregnant include: being able to roll over in bed, putting on pants without grimmacing, walking without feeling like I’m going to wet my pants and not being soo hot! Though there are a few perks that I will miss: having a good excuse to eat whatever I want, having a good excuse to slack off a bit at the gym and having Matt rush to help anytime I drop anything because he knows how hard it is for me to get things off the floor! I will admit that this pregnancy has not been nearly as bad as I was afraid pregnancy was going to be, so I can’t complain too much, BUT I don’t think I’ll miss it (except for being able to feel the baby move around-that’s been pretty amazing!)
I am aware how my mood has changed especially these last few weeks. (Let’s just say I may not have been the most pleasant to be around!) I will take this opportunity to praise Matt for how great he’s been not just recently, but through this whole process. He’s been very patient with all the ups and downs I’ve put him through. It has started to become the norm for tears to spring up unexpectedly and Matt has always responded to these tears with great comfort and reason when I don’t seem to be capable of thinking very rationally. Well, he’s responded appropriately to all the tears except the time when I’d been crying for an hour in the car and then he got a speeding ticket, but I guess one screw up in 9 months is not too bad! (I love you, Matt!) Anyway, I feel very blessed to have such a wonderful partner to walk with me as we go through this weird state of limbo. He even suprised me with a new video camera last night so that we can start documenting Baby H’s life from day one, though not in the delivery room…don’t worry!
I realize that this post is a bit of random rambling, but that’s the way my brain is functioning right now! I really am terribly excited about this new adventure we’re about to begin. I’m just not doing well with the sitting and waiting! Tomorrow we go back to the doctor for our weekly checkup, then there’s only one doctor visit left before the BIG day! 11 days and counting..!!….!!….